god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
