he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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