You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize