oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
