You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
