Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
