I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
