There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
