Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize