I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
