he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
