I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
