Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
