if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
