fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
