i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
