he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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