I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You smell like a Billy Joel song
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
