Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
