well you can't waste a boner
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize