My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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