i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
