yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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