tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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