i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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