I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
