He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
