i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
