It's Friday. Sex?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
