Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
