corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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