Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
