My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
