I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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