you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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