Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
