chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
