the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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