He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
