it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've blown a few things in my day
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
