man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
