She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ok first of all what the fuck
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
