Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
