I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
