The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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