So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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