my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
