shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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