I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
