Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
