sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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