can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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