Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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