jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
