I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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