I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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