When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
His nipple licking is glorious
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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