If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
