Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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