She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
