i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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