Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
