I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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