My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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