eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
