I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
