did you get engaged???
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
